Birmingham Hip Resurfacing - Patient Journal

August 21, 2006

3 big events in the last week. My pre-op appointment with PA Renee Burke. I was surprised by all the drug prescriptions. Never thought about it. I thought about a lot of other details, the drugs? No. I certainly understand the big broad picture but all the details are starting to roll in.

August 19, 2006
Saturday Evening

I attended the HipHab Hooray! party at Meriter. It was the second annual event. Koen DeSmet the world famous doctor came from Belgium. That was very interesting. He's so young – 41.

I laugh and say this is kind of like a cult but it's amazing and it's changed all these people's lives. I want that! I want to feel whole again and not hurt.

The line I hear over and over is, "I got my life back." That's what I want.

Today I went to my "HipHab" rehabilitation orientation that was fun and interesting. Four of us went through it together. This bad hip thing is everywhere and we're all lined up to get this done.

I was surprised by how many staples end up in your leg, 40 of them! Never having had staples, I just had no idea. (They're weird I think.) Anyway, lots of details. Overwhelmed by the details. Learned how to use the crutches, my teal crutches. I went back to work and ordered my Lesportsac backpack! I deserve it for my rehabilitation!

I'm very excited about all of it. I'm totally overwhelmed and some moments it's all surreal. It could be scary too but the alternative to stay the same is just not an option. My life cannot go on the same. My life sucks, every aspect of my life is wonderful and overall everything is great but it also totally sucks because it's all shaded with pain and immobility.

Now I need to start my rehab exercises. They'll be easy now but a challenge after surgery. So much to do! 25 days to go, so much to do. Things need to slow down for me, I'm overwhelmed.

August 22, 2006
Wednesday

I wonder sometimes if I can really be normal again? I'm just starting to accept the fact that I'm disabled, the cane, the refusing events, the explaining. I don't like to talk about my problems but I guess people want to know, maybe not.

I'm at a conference in Appleton. Everything is different. I'm in a handicapped hotel room. No more walks down long hallways, no more in the pool. I'm in bed and I'm darn tired.

I had a couple drinks but then I'm afraid to take the pain medicine. Then I'm afraid of the pain. It's always a mental debate, a measured choice. I would like to just have a drink if I want a drink and not have to debate the long range effects of pain, sleep, everything.

I just feel horrible. This surgery cannot come soon enough!

September 16, 2006
Saturday

My surgery was supposed to be yesterday. Irregularities in my heart postponed the surgery indefinitely. I hate the word but I'm devastated! On Thursday morning my GP called, I understand all the rational reasons. I don't want to die on the table but everything was wrapped around this surgery. I'll do what's right. It will all work out. It makes good sense but I can't walk and I'm in pain. I can't live this way.

Everything was set. 24 hours to go and now I have no idea what my future holds. Maybe I'll die of heart disease. Maybe I'll live with heart disease. How the heck did this happen? I can't begin to explain the gut wrenching feelings I have on about six different levels. I know it's not clear in this ranting. I'll spell it out later but as each moment ticks by I think about where I should have been and about what didn't happen and about where I might be tomorrow. It's probably a good thing – a life saver and I'm grateful. Life just totally shifts on a dime and as I age those shifts seem to be getting bigger.

I'm so depressed. I'm young and I should be perfect. I just want to be able to walk and work and take care of my boy. This is so unfair to my family. I'm so not worthwhile to them. I'm disabled and now more so.

I'm always so calm (well maybe not) but so rational. I can always hold it together. I can always hold it together but I can't with this – I just can't.

I can't tell my son there is something wrong with my heart. It's too scary. It's just too scary. Everything is scary! It's funny, I just looked at the backpack I bought to carry when I would recover from hip surgery; it is covered in hearts.

September 20, 2006
Wednesday

I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy yesterday. My heart is weak and not pumping as it should.

My surgery is postponed for 3 months while I start a drug routine that I will be on the rest of my life. It should be manageable. You do what you have to do and live with what life gives you.

I've got a boy I have to raise. I can't leave him. I can't.

September 24, 2006
Sunday

It's starting to sink in but still so weird. I just really want to get my hip fixed. The heart I can deal with for the rest of my life; the hip-not so much. This has become such a medical spiral and so much different medicine. As my friend Pat says, "Better living through chemistry." All the various medicine kind of freaks me out and every prescription will make you dizzy. I don't like being dizzy.

Tomorrow is my "chemical" stress test that freaks me out a bit too. Maybe it will reveal some answers. God, I don't want heart problems; I just want to fix my hip!

September 27, 2006
Wednesday

I remember when my legs were normal. Sometimes when I'm sitting and not moving I feel normal. I think I can walk again. I should be able to. It is so frustrating when I stand up and I'm crippled.

My heart diagnosis is on hold. The test results conflict so I need more tests. My stress test results were good and normal so what's up? Dr. Igic is going to look further. I feel more hope than I had. I'm looking at the hip again. I know there's a problem there. I don't feel any heart problems they don't seem real.

October 5, 2006
Thursday

I have a final heart diagnosis. I have "Non-Escemic Cardiomyopathy." I can live with this and have a good prognosis. Surgery could be about three months from now. I'm going to call tomorrow and try to get myself back on schedule. The heart stuff doesn't bother me so much because it doesn't physically bother me. The hip drives me crazy. It's so hard to live like this.

October 19, 2006
Thursday

I was cleared for surgery on Monday. Yeah! I've started the second medicine-Coreg, so far so good. My Cardiomyopathy seems to be quite manageable. I don't even care. I just want to get the hip fixed and not think about any other thing.

I have a date of December 14th. My life has sure gotten weird. I don't want medical issues or problems. It just seems unnecessary. I want to be 100 percent, I want to walk.

December 6, 2006
Wednesday

Surgery scheduled next week – again. I'm trying to only focus on Christmas preparations. I won't get everything done that I want to. The pressure is now starting to build and I feel horrible. So much pain and I can feel my muscles ripping and tearing from walking so poorly. The cane doesn't help much anymore. I need more support. I just want to be in bed. I've given up so much that I just can't give up much more.

Without the anti-inflammatories I'm so sore and immobile. I just feel exhausted and I hate being a whiner (really, really hate it). I can't help it, must whine and complain.

December 14, 2006
Thursday

It's 6:10 a.m. and we're getting ready to leave for the hospital. I think today might actually happen. Very twilight zone like....

December 14, 2006 (Written on December 15th)
Friday

Everyone has been so nice, friendly and compassionate. Did all the pre-op stuff and then they wheeled me into surgery. I remember looking around the room. It seemed big and busy. Then Boom – gone!

I remember in recovery there was no pain in my hip. Gone! Huge incision pain, but so what!

Once I came back and checked into my room, I remember asking where Bob was and in he popped. He stayed with me all day until about 7:30 p.m. Lots of dozing. I was on the morphine pump so every time I pushed the button I'd drift off to sleep.

Today Friday, December 15th is better. I had a real hard time peeing last night. This place has the worst plastic bed pans, pure torture! Finally I just sat on the butt torture for about an hour until I could go. Much better.

I was a little woozily this morning. I've tried to start eating more and that has helped. This afternoon was 100 times better than this morning. Getting at walking around helped. It's hard and painful but better.

I have the air socks on my legs and they keep me very warm. They took off the oxygen, IV and pain pump, glad to have them all gone. With the air socks on my legs I was pretty tubed up. Pat came to visit. That was nice. Bob and Eddie came after dinner to visit. I think Eddie was pretty curious and interested about everything.

December 16, 2006
Saturday

I slept through the night very well. From 10:30 p.m. to 5:45 a.m. It would have been longer but the nurses woke me to give me medicine. I did my second injection of Lovenox. It's scary but quite manageable.

I'm at Meriter Heights apartments with Mom. The transition was easy. Dr. Rogerson saw me in the morning and changed my bandage. I still haven't seen my incision but that's ok. He told me it was 12 inches long and 35 staples to close. The staples are weird. I'm sure they're easy to close back up with but ewwww! Weird.

Everybody seems to think I'm doing great and I do too. It's just amazing how much better I feel even being incapacitated.

Getting to Meriter Heights in the car was pretty easy. Sure helps to have a bigger car. Our apartment is very cute. We brought in a few groceries. We got a sweet thank you box (or welcome box) from the staff here at Meriter. It had a few gourmet snacks in it. The PT gal came shortly after.

We arrived and did more PT with me. Then I actually took a nap from 4:30 to 6:30. Mom & I had a friend's homemade Mac and Cheese for dinner. That was yummy. Watched some TV tonight and now off to bed! HipHab – it's a good thing.

December 17, 2006
Sunday

My leg feels pretty good and I'm moving around well. Day 4 and I haven't taken any pain killers but I'm dizzy from all the other medicine. I just feel nauseous and dizzy and yucky.

Walking around is fine and there's a tinge of pain here and there but it's no big deal.

December 18, 2006
Monday

Out of the pool therapy. The water is warm and good. There were 4 other hippies in the pool. It's fun to see how others are recovering. Many feel the same as me with the nausea and dizziness. All the drugs. I've moved the Lisinipril to the evening where I used to take it. One less daytime drug.

I'm a little frustrated that I don't feel just 100% better; I think I thought I would. I've gotten a little teary today.

December 19, 2006
Tuesday

Crying jag. Nausea, dizzy, yucky. PT went well. Pool – I'd had it and feel terrible.

Just too many drugs in my system. Hip I can live with the nausea I can't. Haven't thrown up yet but it might help. Haven't gotten outside this building. Just not up to it.

December 20, 2006
Wednesday

Saw Dr. Rogerson last night at Meriter and he reassured me I was doing great. I had also talked to Renee on the phone yesterday afternoon. She also told me I was doing ok and to stop the Indocin if I was nauseous.

Mom and I had walked around ½ blocks outside and then gone to dinner at Seasons. By the time dinner was over I felt sick again.

So this morning no Indocin and that helped a lot. Renee came and took the staples out. Ouch! She's so nice and sweet and it feels better already. The staples were getting tight. Then we packed up and home we came!

I'm all settled on my bed and exhausted! A big nice nap this afternoon after I did my exercises. Nice it's quiet.

December 22, 2006
Friday

I seemed to have turned a corner today. I'm not so incredibly sore today and I'm feeling more normal. 8 days I took a long shower this morning and that felt good. I'm still slow and often stiff but it just feels like I'm on the road to normal.

Sleeping is just dreadful. I can really only sleep on my back – which I hate. I sleep for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours and then I'm awake again. I try to re-adjust but there's no new direction to go. I have to be partially sitting up. Ugh! A nap in the afternoon is just mandatory.

I got on the scale today. I'm down about 4 lbs. My appetite isn't much but I do feel thick so I don't know if I'm really up or down or what.

I waffle between being frustrated and depressed, mostly just frustrated. I guess I just want to be well. It's rained ever since we came home so I haven't gotten out to walk. I walk around and around the house.

I have tons of flowers – 4 bouquets and 2 plants. They're all quite beautiful.

December 25, 2006
Monday

Merry Christmas!

I think I've been on my feet too much these past couple of days. I really feel it at night. It's like there's a big knot in my butt muscle. Went back to the strong Vicodin at night. Today is really a take it easy day. My son was up at 3 a.m. jumping up and down so I definitely see a nap this afternoon. (Yes, I did make him go back to bed.)

Walked around the block yesterday. It's slower going than walking around the circle in my house (kitchen, dining, living). It's great to breathe the fresh air. I may be slower than the average patient, I don't know. My incision doesn't hurt but my muscles are certainly stiff and sore.

Going to the bathroom is still hard. Even with the raised toilet seat it's hard to maneuver. Sleeping is hard too but it's getting better. I hate sleeping on my back which is what I have to do. The last night or two I've been able to lay on my stomach for maybe an hour. That's a good sign. I still can't sleep on my side. Having to be on my back is just frustrating. It wouldn't be so bad except I've always been a flipper flopper sleeper. I know that's in my future again.

My hip feels perfect. That part is simply amazing. I'm beginning to envision myself as normal person again. Walking, swimming, cleaning and organizing my house! I can only envision how clean my house it going to get!

I'll be happy when I'm done with all the drugs, especially the shots to my stomach. They're not that bad but I really don't like them. I sometimes imagine just throwing them away. I only have 3 shots left.

It was fun Christmas morning just the three of us; quite, leisurely and relaxed.

December 30, 2006
Saturday

A wonderful good nights sleep – Finally! Thanks to a little Ambien. Wow the few nights before were just terrible. Wide awake and so uncomfortable. A call to Renee Burke and we solved the problem. It is so reassuring to know that even though my problem is probably petty, it's taken seriously.

I've been to the mall twice this week. Lots of walking and standing…and shopping. I think the movement makes it all better – everyday. Although my leg is still weak, the pain is mostly gone. It gets sore at night and then I "ice my butt." That makes my husband laugh. He, by the way has been absolutely wonderful. You really do need a caregiver.

I did finish all my shots on Wednesday. Oh, thank God. They weren't that bad but I really didn't like giving myself the shots.

January 4, 2007
Thursday

I spent 8 hours up and out yesterday. I was sore at the end of the day but what a great day. I did some stairs, sat in a very uncomfortable seat, walked a bunch. It is all a miracle. Never think about my hip socket. Think about the incision….a little but it's not bad. It's been 3 weeks and things are so close to my previous life.

Of course the flip side of this is I'm very tired today. Went to PT this morning and then needed a nap this afternoon. Haven't taken a nap in awhile. It definitely caught up with me. I was careful to rest in the morning but I'm glad I had time to rest today too.

January 5, 2007
Friday

I laid on my left side last night. Not for long but I could do it comfortably.

January 6, 2007
Saturday

The last of the steri-strips came off the incision last night. I helped them just a little. What I thought was some scabs is really purple ink and there's just a bit of incision glue too. It really looks good. There's hardly going to be any scar. One of the PT's commented too that Dr. Rogerson is a really clean surgeon as far as incisions go.

Drove the car this morning! Just down the road a little but there's no problem. Glad it's my left side for this reason. Glad I have an automatic too. Don't think I'll be driving our little Nissan anytime soon.

January 8, 2007
Monday

My right leg is killing me. It's so sore. I know I'm doing too much and every time I bend over I put my left leg back, put all my weight on my right leg and bend. It can't take it. When I drop a sunflower seed on the floor I have to leave it there! It's almost impossible for me to do.

Time. I'm getting so much better but I need to take my time. I just want to do it all and overdo it. Relax and pace myself.

I did my PT and took a nice walk this morning. It feels good. Moving feels good. I'd really love a massage but I don't dare even ask about that. I think 6 weeks is a good rule but it's hard not to jump the gun.

I'm worried about work next week too. Got to take the crutches and use them. I can already envision people wanting me to move boxes.

I took the raised toilet seat off the toilet yesterday. I think it's going back on too. Pace myself. Maybe I supposed to use that for six weeks too? Maybe I'm supposed to get permission to drive? So many questions.

I've got to get back to Weight Watchers too. Now I need to get the rest of the weight off and keep it off. I like the walking. Thank goodness we live in a good walking neighborhood. But again, I have to pace myself.

Thank God for the nap. I'm going to miss those next week when I go back to work. Have to enjoy this week.

January 10, 2007
Wednesday

Bob's back in bed with me. It was great to have the bed all to myself but I've spent the last few nights just sleeping on half the bed. It works. I still spend a lot of time readjusting but that's normal for me. Twirl like a top all night long. It's so great to be able to lay on all 4 sides!

January 15, 2007
Monday

First day back at work. It was good. So many people told me how good I looked. Taller, skinnier, my eyes sparkle, my smile is brighter and I think all those things are true. It's true there's a weight off my shoulders; the burden of getting through the day is gone. The new me is startlingly obvious and I'm so tickled by that. Of course, there's work at work but that's ok too.

My leg was sore this afternoon but all in all the day went well. Didn't use the crutch at all during the day except coming and going. That was probably because we got 5 inches of snow today!

I must be thankful we haven't had snow so far this winter and I'm so thankful. It made things so much easier.

We bought a new memory foam mattress pad yesterday. So squishy and great to sleep on! Makes it hard to get out of bed.

January 19, 2007
Friday

It's fun to go to work everyday and have people tell me how great I look. I feel good too. I'm tired at the end of the day and giving myself a lot of slack to just lay on the bed and veg at night.

I went to the mall last night to pick up something quick and it's just too much. I end up exhausted (of course the mall always does that to me).

I continue to do my exercises each day. It makes me feel like I'm being active in my recovery. I guess I am!

January 24, 2007
Thursday

Had my 5 week check-up with Dr. Rogerson. Everything looks good and I'm absolutely on top of the world. Just in heaven, I'm so happy. Dr. Rogerson had me walk for his new partner Dr. Bowers, I look so good. Ha! It's so fun to be well.

Still tired at the end of the day but it's such a good tired and everyday is better and better.

I was gushing over my X-ray and saying I'd love to show it to people. They made me a copy of it! I love it! Everyone at work has now seen my titanium. I'm like a proud Mom with a new baby.

What a wonderful thing this is.

January 27, 2007
Friday

Got up at 6 a.m. and ran upstairs to check something. Came back downstairs, jumped back in bed and relaxed and then thought, "Hey! My bad hip isn't bad." Never even thought about all that activity. Just moved, went, climbed the stairs and came back, like a normal person.

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